For the past couple of weeks, I've been avoiding God. The silence which I had come to enjoy so much this summer had quickly become something that needed to filled up. Today, however, we had a bit of a breakthrough. The morning was all mine, or His rather, as the Holy Whispers penetrated through the blank sonic canvas. We got some things out in the open. Well, to be completely honest, He brought everything out into the open for me-- showed me exactly why I had created this rift. It wasn't a pretty picture, (and it sill isn't) but it was a start. There are some pretty big things I've been asking God to do for me. But He hasn't done any of them. And what's more, He doesn't even appear to be working on it. I feel like I've been put on hold for a more important child or something. This has led to me yelling, (oh the yelling) demanding things from God-- or at least a small sign that He can hear me. Nothing comes. In fact, I can almost hear the music playing on the other end of that celestial telephone. Today was different. Though there was yelling and demanding a-plenty, I know He was there. He showed me this passage:
Unless you see signs and wonders, you will not believe.
John 4:48
At first I said to myself, "Exactly, now show me!" But then I got a little more honest with myself and realized that even with a sign, I wouldn't believe. I'd probably just tell God, "It's about time." There's no faith in that response.
That's not to say that I have faith right now, because I don't. At least not much. But the silence has been broken. Though I'm sick of waiting, I have no choice. All that's left for me to do is seek Him. And wait. And believe. He is going to show me. I know it.
3 comments:
Yeah, Justin! I'm glad for you! Your encouragement is my encouragment!
faith. waiting. trust. seems like a lot of people I know, including me, are learning about that right now. i'm learning that true faith and trust in God takes immersion in His promises, and patience. Not easy.
Somewhere in Psalms:
"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."
Our God will never let us down. Amen.
I've been wrestling with a parallel passage [Mat 12:39 But he answered them, "An evil and adulterous generation seeks for a sign...], because for quite some time I wanted a clear sign - to be spoken to on an issue I had been praying about for a while - when all along God was speaking quietly to me. Perhaps not the same situation, but the same place with faith. Two wise people in my life have prodded me over and over again that steps of faith are made when we are not 100% sure, but we step trusting God to direct those steps (Prov 16:9). Perhaps all entirely unrelated except for the what the verses say about faith.
As the old Hymn says "'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus- just to take Him at His Word ...Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him, how I've proved Him o'er and o'er! ...Oh for grace to trust Him more."
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