Forest Ranger

My freshman year of highschool I took one of those ridiculous tests that's supposed to help you find a career. I believe this one was called the "PLAN" test. At the time I was rather eager to see my results. The day finally came (a month after taking the test) that the results came in. I was in for a major disappointment. My scores weren't so bad, it was just the surprise that the career wheel (I believe that's what it was called) had in store for me. It suggested I be a forest ranger. Now being a budding youth, this didn't sound all too appealing to me. Especially considering all my friends were given interesting careers like athletic coach or scientist (that was interesting to me at that point in my life). Now I think the reason I was given that career was because I fell asleep during the reading portion of the test. But right now sitting in God's creation for 8-10 hours a day all alone would suit me well. This is all part of my budding introversion. Which is why I'm surprised I'm working at the Palace. For about two hours straight each night I work there I'm attacked by literally thousands of angry people trying to find a parking spot. Yes, those two hours are torture. But the time before that and after that is simply divine! Very often I'm alone and am given the opportunity to just "be still." It's very cathartic. *winks at erin* In fact, I'd say it's necessary for us all. Think of all the times when we're in the car alone. What's the first thing we do? Turn on the radio. Why? Because we hate that silence. Because we know what that silence demands. So we fill it-- with noise. What is noise (for your speech teachers out there)? It's just distraction from the point of focus. In this case distraction away from God. In our culture it's so easy for us to lose our focus. Sometimes I literally feel like Peter on the waves-- especially lately. I want to get out of the boat, and I do. But then all of a sudden I see how scary it is out here. I do believe, but Lord help my unbelief! It is a vicious cycle because of our flesh-- because of my flesh. In these times I must sit down, shut up, and let God speak to me. So this is what I will do.

I'm listening to music right now. How pathetic am I?

Snafu!

About two weeks ago I got a voicemail from a friend from highschool. We were pretty close even after we graduated. Then out of nowhere we just stopped talking. So in this mesasge my friend (we'll call her Schmenisa) said that she'd been thinking about me and that she wanted to get together. We decided on Friday (the 23rd). I drove fourty five minutes in terrible traffic just to get there. And after all that I found out we could only talk for a half hour because she had to be somewhere. To be completely honest, the conversation was terrible. It was actually quite awkward and we never really discussed why we stopped talking in the first place. I really couldn't wait to get out of there. So when the time came for her to be on her way I was relieved. I jumped in my car, picked up my phone and called my other friend (we'll call her Schmenny). She picks up and the first thing I say to her is, "Wow that was the biggest waste of time ever." She responded with, "Ok why are you telling me this now?" At this point I was very confused and was struggling to find a good answer to her question. So I believe I said something along the lines of, "Because I figured I'd talk to you." She then said, "Ok well I'm gonna hang up now." And she did just that. I was completely baffled as to the reason for the abrupt end of the conversation. So I looked down at my phone. It was Schmenny I had called-- it was Schmenisa! How does one recover from this? One doesn't. One simply accepts it...

What I love about me...

I consider myself a pretty artsy guy. I like to analyze things, think things through, critique things. I enjoy the arts-- I am, after all, a voice major. Probably my greatest earthly practical consuming passion is music. But there's something that lot's of people don't know about me. I have an impractical passion. One that doesn't really contribute anything to society. And that passion is for my beloved Detroit Pistons. Right now they are 20-3. For those of you who don't know anything about basketball, that's pretty stinkin' good-- just take my word for it on that one. After 23 games, only once have I missed an entire game. Usually I get to catch a majority of it. If not that then at least the last quarter. At any rate, I love this about me. I'm probably the only voice major with a passion this strong for a sports team. There is no point to this post so feel free to ignore it.

Hope

Future, not past.

For a child has been born to us, a son has been given to us. He shoulders responsibility and is called: Extraordinary, Strategist, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. His dominion will be vast and he will bring immeasurable prosperity. He will rule on David's throne and over David's kingdom, establishing it and strengthening it by promoting justice and fairness, from this time forward and forevermore. The LORD's intense devotion to his people will accomplish this.

Isaiah 9:6-7 (NET)

Exasperated

Saturday is a day for one to be out in the snow with his friends--having snowball fights and drinking hot chocolate. Not for work...

Irresistible Grace

So I was talking to my gay, recovering alcoholic coworker--something I've had lots of time to do over the past few months and have failed desperately to take advantage of. Today the talk didn't get as deep as it has in the past. He told me directly for the first time that he was gay. I think he was expecting me to be shocked because he knows who I am. "You know I'm gay, right?" He said to me. "I turned to him calmly and said, "Yep, you talk about it all the time." This was true. He does talk about it all the time. I think he thinks I'm very naive though. I didn't get too deeply into anything right then. I just let him know that it's wrong, but that doesn't mean that I think he's some sort of terrible person--at least anymore terrible than the rest of us. He just hasn't been touched by grace. Often though we do talk about his addictions. He's addicted to alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, sex, coffee among other things. He's working on the first two via AA and NA meetings. The third he tried quitting on Saturday. Yesterday he smoked three cigarettes in ten minutes. The fourth we don't really talk about all that much. And the last we don't really need to touch--that's a beautiful thing I tell him. Today I got thinking about his addictions. He's trying so hard to eliminate his desire for something. A thing all of us have tried to do at one point or another. But he's missed the point. And I think he's so close to understanding this. The key to overcoming an uncontrolled, unchecked desire is to replace it with something else--something worth desiring. Right now, God isn't worth desiring for him. He knows what he does is wrong. He's admitted it to me. He wants to change. But he doesn't want to do the one thing he knows will change him because he knows he'll have to give something up. Enter irresistible grace. This is the way I view the controversial subject: God looking so beautiful to us that we have no choice but to accept Him. Anyone in Christ knows how unfathomably beautiful He is, and we can't really comprehend being "out of Christ" when we realize that. Because of this, our desire for Him supersedes and eventually replaces our desire for anything else. We just don't throw out our old desires. We can't do that. We're flesh. Just like you can't stop thinking about something by saying you're not going to think about it anymore. Christ is to take the place. He is to become our "magnificent obsession" as the song says. So my coworker understands a few things. First, he's got some problems, and they are destroying his life. Second he can't get rid of these problems by any earthly means. Third, if he accepts the one thing he knows will ultimately give him victory, he has to give something up. So what is the bridge between counting the cost and actually making the step? Irresistible grace.